Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference that impacts how we both experience, and interact with the world.

To be autistic is to have a different “operating system”, similar to how some computers run on Windows and some run on Mac.

Although our autistic experience is incredibly nuanced and complex, some of our differences can be most notable in a few areas. Instead of calling them symptoms of autism, I like to call them just traits or characteristics.

As a later-diagnosed autistic person, and also as a therapist specializing in autism and the support of autistic people, I have found de-pathologizing our traits and differences to be important.

You may also notice that I use identity-first language (autistic person) instead of person-first language (person with autism), which the majority of the autistic community tends to prefer.

Identity-first language is often preferred because many of us believe our autistic-ness is fundamental to who we are, and if we were to suddenly become not autistic… “Not-istic”?…we would become different people entirely.

It’s important to acknowledge that some folks within the autistic community prefer to use person-first language to refer to themselves. Others may prefer to refer to themselves as “on the spectrum”, Autistic (with a capital “A”), autists, or Autistics (autistic as a noun). Because of the different preferences, it can be helpful to check in with folks individually to see how they prefer to refer to themselves, and to honor and respect the choice of each individual.

Now! Here are some of the traits that make up the autistic experience.

Autistic Sensory Differences

Our sensory experiences and needs greatly inform how we exist within the world. Some of us are super-sensitive, while others are more sensory-seeking, requiring more sensory input to stay comfortable. Some autistic people also have a sensory profile that includes both aspects of sensory sensitivity, and sensory seeking.

Some examples of autistic sensory sensitivity include things like finding louder sounds, or higher frequencies of sound painful. We might also find ourselves overwhelmed or disoriented by experiencing too many sounds at once. For someone who is more sensory-seeking, they might enjoy the sound of louder music, or busier environments. Here are a few other ways sensory differences might show up:

-Sensitivity to bright lights or preference for muted colors

-Preference for lots of bright colors or visually “busy” environments

-Need for lots of personal space

-Preference for deep pressure or squishy hugs

-Need for lots of movement or difficulty sitting still

-Avoiding eye contact due to overwhelm

-Sensitivity to touch/Preferring not to be touched

What is Autistic Stimming?

Related to our autistic sensory needs, autistic stimming is what we do to help our sensory systems stay comfortable and regulated. Stimming is helpful and necessary, and a normal part of autistic life.

How Do Autistic People Stim?

Autistic stimming can look different for each autistic person. Here are some examples of some common autistic stims:

-Pacing back and forth

-Rocking or swaying

-Walking barefoot, or walking on toes (toe-walking)

-Repeating favorite phrases or lines from television, movies or YouTube videos (echolalia)

-Flapping hands or arms

-Spinning around or jumping

-Singing, or listening to a favorite song (“same-song”) over and over

-Watching a favorite show, movie or music video on repeat (This can also include watching small sections of a video on repeat - It doesn’t have to be the whole thing!)

-Looking at treetops, raindrops, clouds, or twinkling lights

-Waving hands or fingers in front of eyes

-Fidgeting with small objects or sensory tools

And this is just a few! There are countless ways of stimming and each autistic person has their own individual preference. Sometimes, we may learn or pick up stims from each other and add them to our own stimming/sensory-toolbox. The possibilities are literally endless!

Why do Autistic People Stim?

Autistic people stim for lots of reasons! We might do it because we are overwhelmed and the sensory input from stimming helps us feel less overwhelmed. Stimming can also be helpful if an autistic person is not feeling enough sensory input, so they might stim to gain a particular type of input that would be soothing or help them feel more comfortable. We might stim if we are nervous or anxious. We might also stim because we are happy or excited. Finally, sometimes we stim entirely because it’s fun.

Autistic Communication Differences

One of the more outwardly-noticable characteristics of autism is our way of communicating and interacting differently. Here are a few ways that might show up for us:

-Different use of language, or ways of speaking

-We might use echolalia, movie quotes, or “TV talk” in our speech

-Different use of our voices - We might use a ton of inflection and prosody in our speech, or we might sound more monotone

-Different use of gestures - We might be super-animated and use lots of gestures and movement, or we might use no gestures at all

-Different facial expressions - Our faces might be super-animated, or we might have none or very little facial expressions at all.

-We might have difficulties with small talk

-We might miss some social cues but be super sensitive to others

-We might pick up on the “vibes,” energy, or emotional states of other people, and can become overwhelmed by empathy or others’ emotions.

Autism and the Double Empathy Problem

Our way of communicating is different from that of the majority, and these differences have long-been considered “deficits,” especially according to the DSM, which lists “Persistent deficits in social communication” as a major element of autism’s diagnostic criteria (APA, 2013, p27).

But Dr. Damian Milton (2012) offered us a different take on autistic communication differences, by coining idea of the Double Empathy Problem. Dr. Milton suggests that between autistic people, we actually communicate quite effectively, it’s when cross-neurotype communication occurs- for example between autistic and non-autistic folks, things tend to get lost in translation. Neither way of communicating is deficient, we are simply speaking different languages.

Autism and Special Interests

Autistic people can be known for our super-focused interests, and ability to deep dive into favorite subjects and passions. This trait is officially described in the DSM as “Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities…” (APA, 2013, p. 28).

Although referred to as “symptom of autism,” our ability to have, and to focus on special interests can bring such great joy and delight into our lives. Our special interests can range from art and music to technology and problem-solving, to learning and developing incredible expertise in a niche topic. We can enjoy our special interests entirely on our own, or as a way of connecting to other people who share similar interests, or who are like-minded.

Need for Routines and Predictability

Many of us find that we like our routines, doing things the same way every time, or just a sense of predictability and knowing what to expect. That could mean that we like our days to follow a particular order, or that we like each of our days to include the same elements, such as exercise or walking a particular route to work. If our day is going to deviate from our usual routine, it can be helpful to know in advance so that we have time to mentally prepare.

What is Autistic Burnout?

Because we live in a world that was created with non-autistic needs in mind, we may find that we have to work extra hard to navigate the social, sensory, and overall demands of everyday life. Because navigating all of these elements can be so taxing on our energy, we can easily find ourselves in a state of autistic burnout, which is basically when we run out of energy - reaching a state of mental and physical exhaustion. Fortunately, with proper self-care, rest, and accommodations of your needs, autistic burnout can be temporary.

Treatment for “Autism Spectrum Disorder”

A common question I hear as a clinician is - “What is the best treatment for autism?” In my view, autism isn’t inherently a disorder and doesn’t necessarily require any treatment at all. However, we may often need support with different aspects of our lives. Here are a few kinds of support I often recommend:

Occupational Therapy

Whenever I consult with a parent of an autistic child, or a child who could possibly be autistic, my first recommendation is often to consult with a neuro-affirming occupational therapist to get a better sense of the child’s sensory needs and what accommodations and supports would be helpful. OT’s can be helpful for adults too!

An Occupational Therapist can help us understand our unique sensory profiles and teach us how to accommodate our sensory needs to stay more comfortable as we go about our lives. In addition to helping us determine a “sensory diet” that is right for us, OT’s can also help with things like activities of daily living (ADLs), self-regulation, and fine motor control.

Physical Therapy

Some autistic folks may experience difficulties with coordination, muscle strength, gross motor control, posture or balance. Physical therapists can assess for any struggles in these areas, and offer supports tailored to any individual needs that may be present.

Speech and Language Therapy

For autistic folks who struggle with speech or communication, such as anyone who might also experience apraxia, a speech and language pathologist can be helpful to identify and address any communication struggles which may be present, and also to help the individual find a means of communication (whether typing, spelling, or using an AAC device) that is most comfortable and effective for them.

Neuroaffirming Therapy and Coaching for Autism

For folks seeking to gain self-knowledge, insight into their own experience, support for autistic burnout, or determining most helpful accommodations, working with an autistic or neuroaffirming psychotherapist or coach can be a helpful source of support.

Conclusion

The autistic experience is vast and incredibly nuanced, and each autistic person has their own unique experience of the world, as well as their own way of communicating, describing and sharing that experience. Keep in mind that so much of our experience is internal and invisible to an outside observer, which makes it all the more important to listen to autistic perspectives.

In the past, the conventional view of autism was informed by non-autistic clinicians making observations of autistic people. Now, more than ever, we are able to learn about autism from the first-hand personal experiences of the growing number of openly autistic self-advocates within the community. It is so important to honor the story and insight of each individual, and truly listen to what each self-advocate has to say, regardless of how they communicate. We continue to grow the most by listening to each other, and keeping an open dialogue.

Thank you for reading, and please feel free to reach out with any questions or comments.

Sharon Kaye O’Connor, LCSW is an autistic therapist in New York City. She provides neuroaffirming therapy and coaching for autistic adults, as well as autism consultation for parents, schools, and clinicians. She is the author of Healing Autistic Burnout.

References:

American Psychiatric Association (June, 2013). Desk Reference to the Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-5. Arlington, VA.

Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem.’ Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008